The Perimenopausal Mum's Guide to Surviving Back to School

Aug 27

6 min read

How is it nearly September already?

I swear it was about five minutes ago that we were counting down to six glorious weeks of not having to think about school shoes, PE kits or whether anyone had done their reading. And now here we are, digging the uniform back out, discovering that apparently children can grow several inches in six weeks and wondering where on earth that lunchbox went.

I actually really like this time of year. I love summer, but by the end of August I'm ready for a bit of routine again. I'm ready for slightly cooler mornings, autumn being just around the corner and knowing what day of the week it is without having to check my phone first.

But back to school comes with a LOT of stuff to remember, doesn't it? And when you're also navigating perimenopause, with brain fog popping up whenever it fancies and a brain that occasionally seems to have deleted something quite important without asking permission first, I think we're allowed to make things a bit easier for ourselves.

So this isn't going to be one of those back-to-school guides telling you to get up at 5am, meal prep until Christmas and create a colour-coded family command centre in your hallway.

This is the realistic version. Stick the kettle on and let's dive in!

First things first: stop expecting yourself to remember everything!

Honestly, this has been one of the biggest things I've had to learn.

If somebody tells me a date now, it goes straight in my phone.

I no longer trust that little voice that says, "Oh, I'll remember that."

She's a liar.

Perimenopause brain fog can affect memory and concentration, and school seems to generate an incredible amount of information. There are emails, newsletters, apps, forms, clubs, PE days, non-uniform days, trips and random requests for £1 coins that nobody actually owns anymore.

You do not need to keep all of that in your head.

Put everything in the calendar as soon as you see it. Set reminders. Put notes on the fridge. If something needs to leave the house tomorrow, put it by the door tonight.

It's not cheating. It's just using the tools we've got instead of spending all day trying desperately not to forget something.

Give all the school stuff somewhere to live

This sounds ridiculously simple, but it makes such a difference.

School bags, shoes, coats, PE kit, water bottles, reading books - give them a home and make everybody use it. It doesn't have to look like one of those beautiful Pinterest hallways with matching wicker baskets and labels written in perfect calligraphy. Mine certainly doesn't. It just needs to mean that at 8.20am you're not shouting, "WHERE DID YOU LAST HAVE IT?" while everybody stares at you as though you've personally hidden their left shoe.

Anything that removes a little bit of morning chaos is worth doing, particularly if you're finding that noise, rushing or lots of people asking you questions at once feels more overwhelming than it used to.

Do Future You a favour

I know. Evening You is tired. Evening You would quite like everyone to go to bed so she can sit down and watch something she's already watched 14 times without anybody asking her where anything is. But five minutes of preparation can make Morning You's life SO much easier!

Have a quick look at what's happening tomorrow. Is it PE? Is there a club? Does anyone need something unusual? Is the uniform actually clean?

I'm not suggesting you make packed lunches while listening to a wellness podcast and laying out everyone's clothes according to the weather forecast.

Just check tomorrow. Future You will be very grateful!

You don't have to be the brain of the whole family

I think this one is especially important for mums.

Somehow we become the keeper of ALL THE INFORMATION.

We know what time everyone needs to leave, what day PE is, when the dentist appointment is, which uniform is needed, whose trainers are getting too small and what time somebody needs collecting from somewhere next Thursday.

And the really strange thing is that everyone else knows that we know.

So they just ask us.

If your children are old enough to remember their own PE kit, let them remember it. If there's another adult in the house, they can read the school emails too.

Perimenopause can make brain fog and overwhelm worse, but perhaps we don't always need to find better ways of carrying the mental load.

Perhaps we need to stop carrying all of it.

I've become quite fond of the phrase, "I don't know, have you checked?"

Highly recommend.

Have some ridiculously easy dinners ready

September evenings get busy very quickly.

Clubs start again, homework comes back, everyone seems to need feeding at completely different times and suddenly you're standing in the kitchen at 5pm wondering what you can possibly create from half a pepper, some cheese and something at the back of the freezer that may or may not be garlic bread.

This is why I fully support emergency dinners.

Keep a few really easy meals in the freezer or cupboard. Eggs on toast. Beans on toast. Pasta. Something beige from the freezer with some peas next to it. Whatever works in your house. We talk a lot about eating well during perimenopause, and nutrition absolutely matters, but eating well doesn't mean every dinner needs to look like it belongs on Instagram. Sometimes eating something reasonably balanced and actually remembering to feed yourself is enough. Because if you've spent all day sorting everyone else out and suddenly feel irrationally furious at 4pm, there is always a chance it's hormones.

But there is also a chance you've had two coffees and half a piece of toast.

Buy yourself a back-to-school kit

We've spent weeks making sure they've got everything they need.

New uniform? Check.

Shoes? Check.

Pens? Check.

Approximately 47 glue sticks that will have disappeared by October? Check.

But what makes your school routine easier?

Maybe it's a decent water bottle. A travel mug so your tea actually makes it out of the house with you. Snacks in your bag. Sunglasses. A little fan if you're currently experiencing hot flushes. Deodorant. Headphones for the walk home.

Basically, make yourself a mum pencil case.

Nobody said back-to-school stationery was only for children.

Don't fill every bit of September immediately

There's something about September that makes me want to sort my entire life out.

The children are back at school, routine has returned and suddenly I think, "Right! THIS is when I'll become incredibly organised, exercise every day, sort the house out, start three new projects and finally deal with that cupboard."

No.

We don't need to do that to ourselves.

The first couple of weeks back are an adjustment for everyone. If perimenopause has made you more sensitive to stress, tiredness or feeling overwhelmed, leave yourself a little bit of breathing room while the new routine settles.

You don't need to reinvent yourself just because WHSmith has put the new diaries out.

Get some of your routine back

This is the bit I'm looking forward to.

Summer holidays are lovely, but our own routines can disappear a bit, can't they?

Exercise gets missed. Meals happen at strange times. Work gets squeezed around everybody else. You realise you haven't actually been alone for longer than eleven minutes since July.

So rather than thinking about what you should start doing in September, think about what you've missed.

What makes you feel like yourself?

Maybe it's getting back to the gym or swimming. Maybe it's walking. Maybe it's sitting down to work without being interrupted. Maybe it's having a coffee in complete silence and nobody asking if they can have some of it.

Bring some of those things back too.

The children aren't the only ones who get a fresh start in September.

Lower the bar on the things that really don't matter

Someone will forget a water bottle.

A form will probably be handed in late.

There will be a morning when the clean jumper you were absolutely certain existed does not, in fact, exist.

It'll be fine.

I think one of the more useful things perimenopause is teaching me is that I simply don't have unlimited energy to give to everything anymore.

And perhaps I never should have been giving everything so much energy in the first place.

Some things really matter.

Some things can wait.

And some things can be met with a shrug and a "we'll sort it tomorrow".

That doesn't make you disorganised. It makes you human.

September is for us too

So yes, back to school means alarm clocks again. It means uniforms and emails and remembering which day everybody needs to be where.

But it also means getting a bit of structure back.

Autumn is coming. The house might occasionally be quiet. Your routines can start finding their way back. There might even be an opportunity to finish an entire hot drink.

I'm not going into September thinking I need to become a new woman.

I've spent enough of perimenopause trying to work out where the old one went.

I'm quite happy being this one.

I just want to make her life a little easier.

So use the reminders. Write everything down. Share the mental load. Keep emergency dinners in the freezer. Buy yourself the nice travel mug. And if the first week back is slightly chaotic, remember that nobody else has completely got it together either.

Some people are just very good at cropping the chaos out of the first-day-of-school photo.

If everybody gets through the school gates next week wearing approximately the correct uniform and with shoes on both feet, I'm calling it a win.

Happy September 💛